Loretta* recognises the value of a positive outlook when dealing with the emotional implications of having herpes

I am a 30 year-old single British woman and I was diagnosed with herpes about 2 months ago. I first experienced symptoms when I was travelling in Thailand and it was a pretty tough time . Later, on arriving in Australia I experienced another outbreak. A test in Melbourne confirmed I had HSV 2.

Last weekend I told a potential partner that I have herpes. It was very, very difficult to tell, harder than I had imagined it would be. He reacted well under the circumstances, and said he respected me very much for telling him. He took the leaflet the doctor had given me so that he could learn more about herpes. Afterwards we went for lunch and a walk on the beach, and we didn't talk about it for the remainder of the day. Before he left that afternoon, he said he needed to think, which I totally understand. So now it's wait and see.

Telling this man has made me realise more than ever how much having this virus has changed my life. Physically I know it's not dangerous, and I am also lucky that my symptoms have been nowhere near as bad as I know they can be. But emotionally and sexually it is more complex. I have always had an active sex life, much of it whilst being single. Having herpes means I have had to radically alter my behaviour, I am not prepared to put someone at risk by not telling them, even if there is a small chance of them contracting herpes. I am only just now coming to terms with this, and I wanted to get in contact with the IHA and ask you to pass on my thanks and best wishes to the girl called Rachel who wrote the following on the Shared Experiences section of your website:

''I know my limits, I know that my intimate life will be forever changed, I will never have a one night stand, or a relationship that won't start off with a hurdle. But when I think about it, maybe this isn't so bad. It is just one more obstacle that I have been challenged with. It is something that has in its own way, made me a better person. I can now understand and empathise with others in a new way".

Part of me thinks well, she's 19, things are different when you're 30. You don't have so much time, and the feelings of loneliness can be very different at this age etc... but I do so admire her courage and positive outlook . And I will endeavour to always remember her final comment:

"I will be forced to only allow those deserving of my wonderful qualities to have them, and I will never be intimate with someone that I do not whole-heartedly love and trust''.

Maybe it was about time I moved into that way of thinking, with or without herpes. If I can gain something positive out of all this, so much the better. Everything happens for a reason.

*Loretta's name has been changed, to protect her privacy.