|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Carolyn's determination and confidence gave her the strength to forgive and move on with her life
Carolyn tackles the impact herpes has on her personal relationships
For Carolyn, the part of her life most affected by herpes was her personal relationships. With time, information and her growing self-confidence, Carolyn has come a long way and is now happily married. Here's her story.
When I first found out five years ago that I had herpes, I cried and cried. I thought "how could this happen to me?" When my boyfriend at the time found out, he said he didn't know that he had it. I didn't believe him, especially when he added that now we should stay together. I didn't stay with him.
For the next few years I went through many ups and downs in my relationships. I reunited with my husband, only to divorce a year later. For two years I held back from getting serious with my dates to avoid telling them I had herpes. One man I told thought my herpes wasn't a big deal. That gave me confidence and made it easier for me to tell others. Later, though, I was rejected by a man I really liked, because of my herpes. I was devastated and thought I wasn't a good person.
Three years ago I put an advertisement in the personal section of my local paper. This was a big step for me and it felt good: I was in control. It was my advertisement and I could remain anonymous until I chose differently. The advertisement went something like this: "single white female looking to share activities with someone who likes camping, movies, hiking and some sports. Person must be accepting of herpes. Looking for male who is honest and outgoing." I received three responses. Opening the letters felt like Christmas! I continued to date, and I now found it easier to tell men. Break-ups after that were not because of the herpes, but because of incompatibility.
Recently I wrote to the man who gave me the virus. In my letter I forgave him. It felt so good to let go of that anger. I've seen him once since all this happened and it was fine; I found that I still like him as a person.
At that stage I found I needed to talk to other people who had herpes and who shared similar thoughts and feelings. I called the local health clinic for a support group, and found there was none. Before I knew it, I was volunteering to run a herpes support group.
I have met a lot of people through the group, and it's a relief to openly share my experiences with others. I have seen some people grow to accept themselves and that is important.
I'm married now to someone who, quite by coincidence, also has herpes. If I had the chance to do things over again, I still would not look especially for partners who also had herpes. There are too many good people out there!
I still become frustrated with having herpes, but most of all I just move on and try my best to be healthy and cope effectively with stress. I'm grateful for what I've learned about myself and others through having herpes. When I get frustrated about yet another outbreak, I just think of the positive things I am capable of… and keep up the stress management!
For information about Carolyn's support group Kelowna HELP and other patient advocacy groups around Canada and the USA click here.
Sebastien
Sebastien
Natalie
Jenny
Christine