Lai's Diary - Month two

How long was your first genital herpes outbreak?
I think it was about a week and a half

Have you experienced any subsequent outbreaks?
No

What further questions have occurred to you since your last appointment?
None

How useful was the information and counselling given by your physician during your appointment?
Not very. Several weeks elapsed between my initial diagnosis and my ability to get a counselling session with my doctor. (I was given my diagnosis via the phone from a nurse practitioner in the office). Since so much time elapsed between my initial diagnosis and my first (and only) counselling session with my doctor, I did not find this session very helpful. I'd already found out most of the information I needed by researching it myself. By the time I met with her, the purpose was to discuss and prescribe treatment.
I was very dissatisfied as to the way in which my infection was handled. If a doctor's office tells someone news like this via the phone, they need to require that the patient immediately schedule a counselling appointment and or give them a follow up phone call. If I had not been proactive and taken the initiative, I would not have ever been given the information I needed. In addition, I was appalled that my test results did not indicate whether I had HSV-1 or HSV-2. This required that I schedule additional blood work so that we could know my type.

Would you have liked to discuss other aspects, emotions or topics, & if so, what? No, not really.

How useful was the information and counselling given by your physician after your initial diagnosis eg. sufficient detail, easy to understand?
I have not received any additional information since my "initial" session (which was several weeks after my phone diagnosis).

How do feel about your genital herpes at the moment? (emotionally & physically)
What are your main concerns/fears?
Naturally a month and a half into my diagnosis, I'm feeling much better - both physically and emotionally.

I now know that it was my current partner, not my ex-husband, who gave me this and have determined that I must have gotten it from our very first sexual encounter - just my luck! I'm thankful that he handled the situation like a gentleman and was willing to get tested and was honest with his results. Getting through that ordeal and now knowing how I got it has given me some closure. I'm starting to have a few days each week on which I don't even think about having it. Perhaps it is because I've learned to accept it and the fact that I've recently learned that I have HSV type 1, which means I'm less prone to having outbreaks.

While I'm feeling better about having it, I still experience the occasional "hit in the stomach" moments. Just last week two co-workers of mine who do not know I have genital herpes caught the tail end of a conversation I was having with a different co-worker of mine who does know. We were discussing a student of ours who happens to suffer from cold sores. After hearing me talk openly about the herpes virus (which would not be surprising as I am a science teacher) one jokingly said to the other "herpes, you've got herpes?". The other (who happens to be a good friend of mine) responded in a "holier than thou" attitude, "Yah, like I have herpes!". Hearing this come out of the mouth of a friend of mine was extremely painful and only verified my inclination not to tell her.

I've also been unpleasantly hurt when noticing just how often this infection is "made fun of" in the media. And we wonder how/why this infection has this stigma!

While the "hurtful" statements are best ignored, my main fear is the knowledge that I'll have to share this information before ever entering into another sexual relationship. While the opportunity has not occurred, I dread the thought of doing it and sadly in many ways am thankful I'm alone. Sometimes, I'm afraid of dating and even trying to enter into a relationship.

Just a few weeks ago a few of my co-workers were discussing the fact that I should meet the son of another co-worker. Dating a co-worker's son could be awkward enough, without adding herpes into the mix. I'd be more afraid that we would hit it off and then what would happen if I told him. Would he tell his parents? What would this co-worker think/do? I can't imagine having to go through all that and was relieved when it was not mentioned again. I find myself wondering if I will end up alone and too afraid to put myself out there emotionally.

What support have you received since your diagnosis eg partner, friends, family, patient support group?
I've chosen to share my condition with six people. Four very close friends (who are also co-workers of mine), my brother, and the person from whom I contracted this infection. The support I have received from my brother and my friends has been a blessing. They asked for "updates" when I finally was able to talk to my doctor. They listen when I just need to talk but help me keep things in perspective so that I remember this isn't the end of the world. More importantly, they do help me realize that even with this infection, I am still capable of being accepted and make me feel loveable and worthy of attention and affection. I have also found the online "H group" very helpful. Just writing my "story" was therapeutic and the responses from members of the group were very overwhelming.

Have you shared your diagnosis with any friends or family since your last diary sheet?
One additional friend. I don't expect to share my diagnosis with too many more. In the future I will probably end by sharing this with my parents, but I think it is too soon for them to know.

If so, what was their reaction?
Her reaction, like the others was very accepting and understanding. She confided that she had a good friend in college who had herpes and went on to tell me how her friend ended up getting married and now has a beautiful little girl.

How would you rate the following aspects of your life at the moment?
Sexual relationships: Lacking and infrequent…. Since my diagnosis, I was intimate one additional time with the gentleman from whom I contracted this infection, but that was nearly a month ago. As I predicted, the "relationship" has pretty much fizzled and sadly, I don't expect to be sexually active with anyone else for quite some time.
General social life: Since my diagnosis, there hasn't been that much of a change in my social life. I do something socially with my friends at least once every two weeks or so, but it's hard as I'm "the single" girl amongst a group of friends who are all either married, "attached", or considerably older than I (and therefore don't want to always do the same things socially).
Work: Work keeps me busy as usual. As a workaholic my work effort and outlook hasn't changed since my diagnosis. I love what I do and often use work as a distraction. In many ways getting back to work again after the school holidays has been a blessing. I am, however, trying to "relax" a bit more in order to reduce my stress level, but this is often hard to do in my profession.

Have you sought information on genital herpes from any sources other than your doctor? (eg website/patient support groups/leaflets) If yes, please give details.
I haven't sought out any more new information. Upon my initial diagnosis. I visited nearly every website, joined an online support group and ordered the "help pack" from one of the national agencies.

Have you communicated with, or would you like to communicate with, another person with genital herpes?
Yes - through the online support group. This was extremely helpful.

Are you aware of any support groups in your area, and if so, have you attended?
Yes, but as of right now it is only an online support group. They do not hold town meetings but they have plans to do so in the next month or so. There is another support group north of me, but they are a good 50 miles away and are too far away for me to attend middle of the week meetings.

Rate the following aspects of the treatment prescribed by the physician: Effectiveness in pain relief, healing signs & symptoms, controlling signs/symptoms:
Upon finding out the results of my culture test, I was prescribed Valtrex. I took it twice a day for eight days or so and found it to be very effective. This was especially true, since I'd experienced nearly 5 days of very painful symptoms before the test results came back. Upon taking the Valtrex, the extreme pain cleared up within just a few days and the "occasional" pain I experience during aerobic activity cleared up within an additional 3-4 days.

Are you on any form of medication for genital herpes? eg episodic or suppressive antivirals.
Well my doctor has written me the prescription to take Valtrex. She wrote the prescription before she herself knew what type of HSV I had. I filled the prescription but have not yet started taking it. Since learning I have type-1 HSV, I have decided to hold on to the pills to take in the event of a future outbreak or until I am about to enter a relationship with a person who does not have genital herpes.

Has your current treatment regime helped you cope with the idea of being infected?
Although I'm not currently taking my antiviral, I like having a supply of it on hand in order to take immediately should I experience a second outbreak. In addition, since my prescription has been written to allow me to take it twice a day, I can decide to switch to take it instantaneously. Having the prescription on hand has allowed me to not worry about the "what if situations". I'm in total control of my treatment and I like that.

Click here to view a healthcare professional's commentary on Lai's diary.